


if you please my patience slips away

by zappactionsdower



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, massive misunderstandings about mishaps, tattoo parlor felix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:53:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29554512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zappactionsdower/pseuds/zappactionsdower
Summary: “Ah, my name is Dimitri.” The man – Dimitri – stepped forward and extended a black-gloved hand. Who wore leather gloves in the middle of August anyway? “A friend of mine recommended your services.”Services.What. Felix's mind rattled, trying to make sense of the stranger. Was this some kind of health inspection thing? A tax thing?(Felix is certain there's something suspicious about their new customer.  It's not his fault no one believes him.)
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 5
Kudos: 73
Collections: 2021 Dimilix Week





	if you please my patience slips away

“You ever think about penguins?”

Felix grunted.

“They're penguins but – they're penguins. Did you know they have knees?” Sylvain didn't even bother to look up from his magazine. It was just as well – they both knew that Felix wasn't paying attention anyway. Felix preferred to spend his time practicing his sketchwork and occasionally reading newspaper articles because someone needed to have an idea about the real world beyond their small tattoo parlor.

Sylvain’s idea, somehow. Sylvain’s “creative interior decorator mood” everywhere - from the old paisley-papered walls to the constantly changing pictures and knick-knacks decorating the place. Sylvain’s old jazz and blues crackling through the sound system.

The worst part was it  _ worked _ .

“Really Felix, you need to get out more. I bet the zoo has penguins.” Sylvain winked. “We can take some double dates there.”

It was a good thing that Sylvain actually had a brain for numbers and management buried deep within the moronic exterior. He'd be absolutely repugnant otherwise. Especially what with his -

The thick bell above the door rang.

Felix looked up and his eyes narrowed.

The man didn't belong there. He  _ screamed  _ trouble. He looked like some government agent, dressed to the nines in black with the only spot of color the deep blue tie beneath his black waistcoat. He even had the damn trenchcoat that only made his shoulders look even broader. His hair was tied back, a few stray golden strands falling near his eyes.

“Can we help you?” Sylvain drawled as he set his magazine down. “Mister...?”

“Ah, my name is Dimitri.” The man – Dimitri – stepped forward and extended a black-gloved hand. Who wore leather gloves in the middle of fucking August anyway? “A friend of mine recommended your services.”

_ Services _ .

_ What the  _ **_fuck_ ** . Felix's mind rattled, trying to make sense of the stranger. Was this some kind of health inspection thing? A tax thing? Sylvain  _ did  _ have his own personal accountants to handle the books so...

“So what can we do for you Dimitri?” Sylvain grinned. Idiot. You didn't smile to people who looked like – who looked like  _ that _ .

“I'd like a tattoo, if I can make an appointment. A small one.” Dimitri glanced curiously to Felix and then the work area that Felix kept fastidiously clean. Felix wasn't going to let some – some government undercover agent claim he was one of  _ those  _ tattoo artists.

It had to be a prank. A setup.  _ Something _ .

“We actually have a little bit of time now, if you're interested.” Sylvain gestured to the front desk. “Payment up front of course.”

“Oh, of course.” Dimitri fumbled in his suit pocket and withdrew a small scrap of paper. “Is this simple enough for your timeframe?”

Felix snatched the paper away before Dimitri could say anything else. The design itself was sketched out in careful detail – a rearing blue lion surrounded by silver lettering. It was simple enough, if not a little too much like one would find on some pretentious metal album.

“I can do this.” Felix turned away. Timeframe. Who talked about timeframes anyway?

“Great! So – payment. Follow me.” Sylvain, ever the salesman, guided Dimitri over to the front counter.

Felix turned his attention to his work area and started prepping for the job. No way was he going to give the undercover inspector or – or whatever – any reason to stay around for too long.

He listened vaguely as Sylvain walked their customer through several forms and safety precautions and Dimitri hummed along obligingly. Felix let his attention drift to the artwork in his hand, thinking about colors and lines and what the intent of the picture was. Lions were always used by people who wanted to be  _ symbolic  _ or tough, none of which fit the strange blonde that stumbled into their little hole in the wall shop

“Are you ready?” Dimtiri asked from behind him. Felix grunted and turned his head

And his tongue disappeared somewhere down his throat into his stomach.

Health inspectors didn't look like that.  _ Government  _ agents didn't look like that.

Dimitri was -

He was – fit. He was fit. His shoulders were broad and he had a six-pack (Felix was not counting. He was't!) and his stomach was defined and  _ Goddess  _ he had a little treasure trail dipping downwards, where – where -

“Is something wrong?” Dimitri tilted his head curiously but didn't step forward.

“Oh ignore him.” Sylvain grinned from behind. “Go on, sit down. Time's wasting.” Sylvain's grin was downright wolfish and Felix considered jabbing a needle into his eye except that would mean going past Dimitri who was – he was there. Doing stuff. Settling into Felix's chair and revealing his bare, muscular back which was -

Not bare at all.

Tattoos dotted all along his skin in all colors and designs. Felix could make out several burn scars beneath but through the power of ink they'd all been transformed into little individual works of art. A tapestry of some unknown meaning that Felix couldn't help but be transfixed by.

He breathed. In. Out. In. Out.

Felix was a Goddess-damned  _ professional _ .

“Where do you want it?” Felix finally managed as he snapped his gloves one last time.

“Oh, anywhere. It doesn't matter.” Dimitri settled into the chair with an easy grace that health inspectors definitely weren't known for. “I trust your judgment.”

What the  _ fuck _ .

“Right.” Felix let his eyes trail (professionally!!) over his customer's back. He finally settled on a spot near his right shoulderblade close to a tattoo of some black dog with abroken chain around its neck. “All right.”

Goddess. Dimitri's skin was  _ warm _ .

Felix worked in relative silence, the only sound the steady buzz of his rotary machine. Occasionally, Dimitri would twitch underneath him but it was far less than many of his customers. Felix normally liked the silence – half the reason he'd agreed to Sylvain's “Let's start a tattoo parlor because my dad would hate it” plan was because it gave Felix an excuse to avoid talking to other people. People talking meant muscles twitching and that meant mistakes.

But somehow, it felt... off with Dimitri.

He didn't like it.

“How did you find out about our place?” They weren't well-known at all, as Sylvain only opened their doors about three months ago. Hardly enough time to build a reputation. Their customers were usually just locals or Sylvain's college friends and never-ending list of exes that simultaneously came for Hapi's weekend nail jobs or to tell Sylvain off.

“A friend recommended you.” Dimitri replied, low and calm as though he wasn't the least bit unnerved with someone repeatedly jabbing needles into his skin. “I was in town so it worked out well.”

“In town.” Felix repeated as he wiped away some of the excess ink.

“Yes.” Dimitri's muscles twitched again. “For business.”

“For business?” Really. Who came by a tattoo parlor in between  _ business _ .

“It's quite boring.” Dimitri turned his head away to admire some of the art on the wall. Felix didn't like to look at it – Sylvain was going through some bizarre 80s phase of neon colors and bold lines and the sooner he got out of it, the sooner Felix could burn the whole thing. “Messier than I expected it to be.”

Felix grunted.

He felt weirdly disappointed when he finished. His work was, as always, impeccable of course, but something still felt off.

“Ah. Thank you.” Dimitri stretched as he rose from the chair and Felix most definitely did not watch the interplay of muscles. He was a professional. “I think it will look lovely.”

“Yeah.” Felix replied haughtily. “We're the best, after all. Don't ruin it.” He patched over the design with a small bandage and then handed Dimitri a small treatment kit.

His hands were very, very warm.

“I wouldn't dare.” Dimiri bowed his head. “Thank you.”

Felix didn't move until after the door shut and Dimitri was long gone.

Sylvain stared at him

And stared.

“What?” Felix finally snapped as he furiously cleaned his chair.

“Numbers, Felix. Ask for a number.”

Felix sprayed sanitizer at him.

  
  


Felix didn’t remember what he dreamed, except that he felt warm and good. Terribly good.

He woke up with a half-erect dick that, in his fuzzy-morning brain, didn’t exactly raise any alarm bells. It was unusual – Felix’s sex drive hadn’t exactly been  _ unhealthy  _ but he’d never been interested in dating. Felix long ago recognized his own shortcomings when it came to interpersonal relationships.

He remembered – he remembered muscles. A flat stomach that was slightly ticklish. His hands tracing along images before he pressed his teeth to a little white origami-cat and sucked and beneath him his partner moaned and….

Oh.

_ Oh _ .

This was fine.

It was just a dream. A fantasy. A harmless one because the customer in question wasn’t even in town anyway. No harm done. Felix could admire a good, well-kept body after all. He worked out on weekends and looked at different people both with clothes and without. 

He thought about Dimitri’s hands – long, probably kept his nails clean. If his body told any story, it was that there was some carefully-managed strength. Felix idly slid his boxers down to palm himself as he stared lazily up at his ceiling. Dimitri was probably a little on the submissive side – no, no, that wasn’t right. For all his awkward speech, he carried his body like someone aware of it. He had an edge to his eyes, something sharp, maybe the whole nice, polite G-man was just a façade. Maybe he was sharp and wolfish and had to be  _ made  _ to be plaint and yeah, Felix was sure he’d put up a fight, at least until Felix would roll him over, grab onto his throat and ride him, he probably had a good cock too, nice and thick and big and –

Felix came with a sharp groan. His toes curled in his sheets and he rolled over, chasing the feeling as he tried to catch the bulk of his come in his hand.

Goddess.

Felix rolled his neck and forced himself to center again. That felt, that felt good. He probably needed to do that more often.

He waited until his body felt less like an oversensitive bundle of nerves and rose from bed.

Just a fantasy. Nothing wrong with having a little indulgence here and there, right?

Felix forgot about the whole thing. Mostly. He still had occasional jerkoff sessions to the thought of a Dimitri-esque stranger but It wasn’t  _ all  _ the time. Besides, he had his job and his weekend routine and lots of little things to keep his attention.

Felix wasn’t thinking about it at all that morning. He was reading a newspaper article about how  _ Maculi’s Bank and Trust  _ on 33 rd Street was broken into at 2:21 AM Bank robbing seemed downright quaint but all the cameras caught was a shaggy-haired figure in black. Beside him, their new part-timer Ashe was carefully taking inventory of supplies.

“Here comes trouble.” Sylvain mused from his spot at the desk. “Dimitri, wasn’t it?”

Felix’s head jerked up.

Dimitri smiled awkwardly and bowed his head. “I’m sorry. I should have contacted you first.”

“No problem at all.” Sylvain’s grin was even worse this time. “Always nice to have a repeat customer.”

“Ah. Yes.” Dimitri was still wearing black – pressed black trousers and a slender black turtleneck that did little to hide his bulk. Over the ensemble was a black jacket with white fur all along the collar and sleeves.

Who  _ wore  _ that? Wasn’t it illegal to wear that?

“You know the drill.” Sylvain casually slid a clipboard full of forms towards Dimitri. “Felix is  _ thrilled _ , aren’t you Felix?”

Felix made an exceedingly rude gesture with his hand just as Dimitri hesitated.

“Is there something wrong?” Ashe popped up, eager to assist. “I can take the lead if there’s an issue. “

“No.” Felix’s eyes narrowed as he watched Dimitri lean down to fill out the paperwork and finalize details. “I’ve got this.”

This time, the tattoo was a small symbol of multiple stylized triangles surrounded by some old arcane lettering in a language Felix didn’t recognize. Plenty of people went for Dagdan characters in an attempt to look  _ cool  _ and ended up with permanent ridiculous natter even after Felix pointed out that what they thought said “honor” or “family” usually just translated out to something like “moron” or “fish legs.” Felix wanted to respect someone’s choices in body art – more often than not their choices were  _ stupid _ .

“You sure you want this?” Felix kept his body very still and his eyes very focused as Dimitri slid into the chair again, back revealed and once again on open display. Somehow he was more…

More.

Maybe Felix had been downplaying him slightly in his morning not-Dimitri-specific jerkoff sessions.

“Where do you want me to put it?”

_ Dammit _ .

Real Dimitri was not an object of carnal desire. Real Dimitri was a  _ person  _ that was probably making bad tattoo decisions like a little snaking ivy pattern that also managed to cover a deep gash running above his hipbone. The design itself was fine and covered the scar quite well – it just stood in stark contrast to the separate inking of birds above it.

Come to think of it, why did Dimitri have so many scars anyway?

“I think… a little below my neck?” Dimitri reached backwards to trace his long, tapered fingers along his spine and upwards. He tapped just below the knob on his neck. “Here?”

“Your hair is in the way.” Why did he have such stupidly… fluffy hair anyway? Government employees were supposed to be well-groomed. Health inspectors were definitely well-groomed. Felix kept his hair long out of spite but Dimitri was probably supposed to be a responsible citizen.

Probably.

“Ah. So it is.” Dimitri leaned back before Felix could move away. “One moment.” He dug through his pocket and Felix – Felix tried to ignore the little flips his stomach kept doing. He smelled clean and his muscles – his muscles were –

Did he really need to flex so much? Surely there couldn’t be that much involved in tying hair back!

“Better?”

“What?” Felix’s brain stuttered to try and catch up. Dimitri had a little mole right near his armpit. He had a tattoo of a Daphnel rabbit with red eyes by his shoulderblade. He smelled like  _ cold _ .

“Does that help you?” Dimitri repeated patiently as he dropped his hand downwards.

“Sit down again and shut up.” Felix grumbled.

Dimtiri chuckled softly.

Goddess. He was wrong. Dimitri wasn’t a person. Dimitri was a  _ test _ .

Felix stubbornly went back to work., focused entirely on translating the image on a scrap of paper into something permanent on Dimitri’s skin. To his right, he could hear Ashe humming some old pop song and Sylvain somewhere farther away was definitely flipping through magazines again. He could do this. He  _ would  _ do this.

“Why are you back in town?” Felix asked when he finally felt his tongue was under control.

“A job.”

“What job?”

“I don’t think you’d be fond of me if I told you.” Dimitri said and Felix knew a deflection when he heard one.

Strange.

“What, are you handing out parking tickets to completely innocent people?”

“Something like that.” Dimitri agreed passively.

“Where are you usually?” Felix never believed in backing down and poking at Dimitri’s odd façade kept his attention from roaming to why his body could be littered with scars and yet he could look so – so – ‘

“Fhirdiad.”

“Rotten excuse of a city.” His father used to go there all the time and every trip Felix felt as though he was lost in a maelstrom of noise and chaos. Fhirdiad was still built over too much of the old, ancient city and yet filled with too much industrial decay mixed with modern madness. At least this close to the border of Leicester, there was space and wilderness to retreat into if you just drove off the bypass.

“It is rather cold.” Dimitri tilted his head upwards to view the new round of paintings and wall decorations. Sylvain declared it to be “Medieval Month” which at least gave Felix the excuse to hang some of his old replica weapons along with the stylized paintings of knights and dragons. “Oh, that’s a Zoltan, isn’t it?”

Felix dropped his rotary machine.

“Shit.” Felix cursed and fumbled around as he picked up his machine again. He cursed a bit more as he yanked the needle out and tried to clean it – really. Really. What was with this bastard  _ saying  _ things and  _ being  _ things?! “Stay there. Don’t you dare move.”

If nothing else, Dimitri seemed good at taking orders.

Ugh. Not helping. None of this was  _ helping _ .

Felix gathered himself together and ignored the way Ashe kept glancing at him as though he’d grown two heads. Ashe was a people person and that was why Sylvain hired him to begin with even though he was far too wholesome-looking for a tattoo parlor. Ashe wouldn’t understand good-looking and confusing and utterly vexing. He’d charitably think it was  _ nice _

“Are you sure everything is all right?” Dimitri tilted his head curiously as best he could without disturbing Felix’s work.

“Fine.” He was fine. He was good at this. Felix stared down people twice his size at the gym without flinching. “How did you know that’s a Zoltan?”

“I like swords. And I’ve seen the original Blue Blade of Indech _. _ ” 

This time, Felix kept hold of his machine. “It was stolen from a museum two years ago.”

“I heard as much.” Dimitri didn’t sound surprised. “But my favorite is the Kyphon Ascension blade. The etchings on the hilt are – “

“Really impressive.” Felix finished his sentence.

He could tell Dimitri was smiling.

Goddess. He didn’t even believe in Sothis but Felix was halfway towards praying to her for salvation. Nothing else could explain why he felt as though he was dying and his heart was sinking somewhere near his left kidney. 

Luckily, the conversation drifted off as Dimitri settled in and Felix zoned out. Felix started filling in the finer details of the new tattoo, his hands expertly moving and Dimitri’s skin yielding beneath his.

“I’m done.” Felix finally announced as Dimitri stirred beneath him.

Dimitri rose from the chair and stretched his arm. Felix let himself look, if only to judge his work before it disappeared out the door. “Here.” He handed Dimitri a small mirror and watched as he angled it to view the new tattoo.

“It looks lovely. Thank you.” Lovely. Not cool. Dimitri was weird, that was all there was to it.

Felix preened, even as he snatched the mirror away and began patching the tattoo over with bandages and some additional antiseptic.

“Then don’t ruin it.” Felix forcibly pulled his hands away because if he didn’t, he’d keep touching that skin. He really, really wanted to touch more skin.

Instead, he settled back into his own chair and turned his attention to cleaning. Just because Dimitri stopped by twice didn’t mean he was going to keep coming or anything.

_ By the Goddess _ , Felix loathed his lower brain.

“Well then, have a good afternoon?”

“Yeah. You too.”

Felix didn’t stop cleaning until Dimitri had safely exited the building.

“Oh, that was interesting to watch. I suppose I still have a great deal to learn.” Ashe eagerly glanced over and cleaned up some of the mess that Felix still had spread around him. “Was that a Blaiddyd mark he got?”

Felix raised an eyebrow. “A what?”

“Oh. Sorry.” Ashe smiled and picked up the small piece of paper still on the bench. “A Blaiddyd mark. From the old ancient king. You remember the stories where he was deemed a traitor before he retook the throne?”

Felix flushed. Oh.  _ Those  _ stories. The ones that Glenn used to tell him all the time at bed before Felix had declared he was too old and too wise for such nonsense and promptly forgot all about it. “And?”

“Oh, nothing. It is quite interesting though. Depending on what you do with it it can mean either a righteous king or a scandalized criminal so – I wonder what his intent was.” His face scrunched up as he turned the paper around and around. “Oh. It says  _ Strength From Family _ , I think. Although I seem to remember that being the motto of the Fhirdiad Mafia so I’m probably wrong.”

Felix’s eyebrow twitched.

Whatever.

That night he dreamed of Dimitri beneath him, strong and bare and marked up both by colors and Felix’s tongue. They’d fought, for hours or days it didn’t matter but Felix had secured victory and claimed his prize and buried himself deep, so tantalizingly deep inside that warmth. Dimitri’s blue eyes were dark, almost black, blown out and strong out and yes –  _ fuck yes  _ – Felix felt like some great beast, wild and untethered –

He woke up to the best orgasm of his life.

Felix groaned and flopped back onto his pillows and stared at the faded blue paint of his wall.

Okay. Maybe this was a thing. Fine.

“Just so you know,” he glowered down at his dick, “ _ You _ don’t control  _ me _ .”

Felix hefted himself out of bed. No need to think any more than that about impossible blonde strangers and their impossibly broad backs and muscles and warm skin and good cologne and –

_ Fuck _ .

“Fine.” He gripped his erection with just a slight bit of vindictiveness. “Just to shut you up.”

Felix fought on the weekends.

Perhaps “fight” was too dramatic. One of the gyms deeper in the city proper taught MMA classes where everyone was allowed to fight (safely) against all sorts of opponents. Felix devoted most of his time kicking the asses of anyone too cocky to think they could take him on. Occasionally, he even deigned to tutor some of the younger fighters about proper stances and dangerous ways to break your bones through stupidity. Afterwards, he usually wasted the rest of the afternoon complaining to Leonie about something Sylvain did or recently, how Ashe simultaneously managed to be painfully precocious and double their number of active customers. Leonie’s opinion about his fighting was the only opinion Felix listened to, albeit briefly. The row of medals and trophies in her small apartment said it all about her expertise.

It was on his way to the gym when he was decidedly not thinking about how one specific customer hadn’t stopped by in over a month when a spot of black and gold caught his eye.

He stopped on the sidewalk, suddenly very very fixated on the bank across the street. Or, more importantly, a man standing in front of it with a very large briefcase in his hand.

No. It was just his imagination. It  _ had  _ to be his imagination. He’d had another session this morning and - 

And the man turned his head and Felix’s entire brain shut down even as his jacket suddenly became way, way too hot.

“Oh. Hello Felix.” Dimitri walked up, all too casual in his black turtleneck and his black pants. He was wearing gloves again - soft leather and not at all suited to keep his hands warm. “Were you going somewhere?”

“What about you?” Felix bit back reflexively. His eyes drifted to the briefcase. “Business?”

“Of a sort.” Dimitri glanced back thoughtfully, then towards Felix. “If you were free, would you - “

Behind them, the alarm bell began blaring. Traffic stopped just as several men in black suits and hats ran out of the bank building.

“Ah. Perhaps now is not a good time.” Dimitri offered a small, crooked smile. “I’ll see you again soon. Excuse me.”

Dimitri brushed past Felix and disappeared between a row of vehicles. 

Slowly, ever-so-slowly, Felix’s mind began to unclutter. He watched, distant and dazed, as a black car rolled up and several flustered men in grey suits came out and filed into the bank.

No.

Surely… not.

“He’s a bank robber.” Felix announced as he dropped his bag near his work chair.

“Who’s a bank robber?” Ashe perked up, always eager to listen. He was currently working with a skittish teenager who wanted a simple butterfly on her shoulder but squeaked whenever the machine got too close. Ashe, it seemed, worked miracles with nervous customers.

(Okay. Maybe Sylvain was right about hiring Ashe. Sylvain was still irritating.)

“Dimitri.” Felix started going through his usual routine - check the chair, check his glove supply, check his inks. Check his cleaning supplies just in case and spray down his chair just in case. “He’s a bank robber. He’s mafia. That’s why he has all those tattoos.”

“Felix!” Sylvain chided. “You remember what we talked about when judging people with too many tattoos?”

Felix sniffed indignantly. “Doesn’t matter. He came to town to rob those banks. I checked the dates.”

“That sounds serious. Are you sure?” Ashe made another gentle hum as he started filling out the outline of the butterfly. Somehow, the girl had switched from panic to vociferously complaining about her boyfriend.

“It’s kind of cute that you remember the exact dates he stopped by. You usually don’t remember a thing about our regulars.” Sylvain winked. “You sure you don’t want his number?”

“Whatever. I hate you.” Felix kicked back and watched Ashe. He really did have a knack for being  _ likable _ . Felix didn’t have the patience to coddle his customers and left it to Sylvain to play charming conversationalist.

Dimitri was easy to talk to, at least.

For a criminal.

“I saw him at Union Faith and Trust Saturday. Before the alarms went off.”

“Oh, I remember hearing about that. Nothing was stolen though.” Ashe supplied.

“That they know of yet.” Felix kicked back and crossed his arms.

“So are you going to call the police?”

Felix scowled. “What?”  _ Police _ ? What good would the police be?

“Are you going to call the police? Anonymous tip it?” Sylvain waved their phone enticingly from the counter. “Might even be a reward for it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Felix turned away to play around with the inks around his workstation. “I’m not getting in the middle of it.” If Dimitri ended up in jail, that was his problem. Felix liked his unintrusive existence that didn’t involve bank robbers with ridiculous bodies.

The phone rang at 3:07. Felix was right in the middle of drawing words all along some chemistry student’s wrist. (His name was Brady. Or Brandon?) He didn’t hear the conversation, just caught the way that Sylvain reached for the phone and his expression got all  _ wicked _ .

Great. Another hookup then. Sylvain always managed to woo some random woman and get her into a date or several which inevitably ended up as a hot disaster because Sylvain didn’t believe in taking  _ anything  _ seriously except - 

“Felix, it’s for you.” Sylvain waltzed over and shoved the phone on Felix’s shoulder.

Great.

“What?” Felix muttered into the receiver just as he finished drawing a ‘C.’

“Oh, is this a bad time?”

_ Fuck _ . “Maybe.” Why was Dimitri calling?

Why was Dimtiri calling for  _ him _ ?

The air in the room grew oppressively warm.

“I didn’t have a chance to ask you but I read that there will be a weapons exhibit at Riegan National Museum soon. I was wondering if you’d be interested in going?”

_ What _ ?

Felix’s silence must have spooked Dimitri because he kept going. “I understand if it’s a no, of course and I do not want to pressure you but - “

“Why?”

“They have Zoltans?”

“When?” Why hadn’t he read about it? A Zoltan in public view instead of locked away in a private collection? And - 

And Dimitri was probably casing it. Dimitri was going to  _ steal  _ it.

Bastard.

“Two Fridays from now. If you’d like to meet outside the parlor, I can pick you up?”

“Fine.” Felix tried to sound calm. “Fine. Yeah.” Two Fridays. He had to get something better to wear and something - something maybe to catch the other or maybe talk him out of it before he did something unethical. Obviously. Felix was going to stop a thief in his tracks, that was all.

And maybe see a Zoltan in person.

“See you then.”

“Yeah.” Felix waited, listening to the distant sound of breath as Dimiri ended the call. Fine. He had time to do this - whatever it was. He’d figure it out.

He finally looked up to see three pairs of eyes fixed on him.

“Don’t you  _ dare _ .” Felix growled. 

“I think it sounded cool.” Brady-or-Brandon offered.

His body’s new, utterly stupid fantasy was this - 

He was wearing some old film noir getup for whatever reason. He was in a plain office with just a desk with a few books stacked on top and an old black chair. The closed blinds cast black and white shadows all through the room.

Dimitri was beneath him on the floor, his hands bound with a pair of Felix’s handcuffs. He wore black - soft cashmere and slick denim. His eyes were always shadowed, shameful after giving Felix such a challenging chase.

Felix stripped him down, exposed him, whispered about all the terrible sins and the crimes that he’d be held accountable for. And each and every time, Dimitri shuddered, begged for mercy and most of all release, both of which Felix denied him.

Felix rutted into his sheets and tried, desperately, to remind himself that there was nothing sexy about breaking the law and stealing swords.

Friday came far too quickly. Felix sat on the bench outside their tattoo parlor, waiting for his ride to arrive. He felt oddly exposed, especially against the hideous decorations behind him. With the advent of Maurce’s Day, Sylvain decided it was time to change the decorations again into something, in his words, “hideously spooky.” In practice that meant the entire front of the building was covered in black rags and polyester cobwebs. 

“Is he here yet?” Sylvain peeked his head out from the inside.

“What do you think?” Felix didn’t look at him. He didn’t need another reason for his nerves to be on edge. After all, it wasn’t every day he went somewhere with a criminal planning to do criminal things. And obviously, that was the reason his chest felt so tight and he kept fidgeting with his sleeve.

“I think you forgot your wallet.” Sylvain tossed a small black trifold into Felix’s lap. “Don’t go breaking any rules. Call me if you’re out too late.”

As if on cue, a sleek two-seater sedan rolled up to the curb.

Sylvain whistled. “Okay. I’ll leave you alone now.” He waved. “Have fun!”

Bastard. Felix breathed deeply and stood up, just as the door opened.

Dimitri still had that black turtleneck but for once, wore dark washed jeans and plain loafers. He smiled, a timid, unsure thing and Felix considered turning on his heel and walking right back inside. This - this was dangerous. Terribly dangerous.

“Nice ride.” It was, if not a little… mundane. Then again, flashy vehicles likely weren’t that great for robbing banks and museums.

“Thank you?” Dimitri awkwardly glanced back at the vehicle as though unsure. “I did rent it. I don’t normally drive in Fhirdiad.” He turned back and Felix caught a moment of uncertainty and - was that darkness? “Shall we get going then?”

Better to have an easily disposable vehicle then, Felix thought. Easier to discard on the side of the road or something and easier to erase your tracks.

“Yeah.” Felix went to the passenger side and opened the door. “Let’s go.”

Felix knew he should be paranoid. He was in a vehicle alone with a criminal. But despite that, he felt strangely relaxed. The vehicle itself was quiet and Dimitri had turned the radio volume down to a bare whisper. They talked - short conversations about mundane things like Sylvain’s terrible choice in women or Dimitri’s experience trying to take care of someone else’s cats.

“They don’t like me.” Dimitri admitted quietly and a little awkwardly. “I usually just bribe them with treats.”

Obviously, the cat knew about Dimitri’s misdeeds. No one could trick a cat. 

Still, it was almost disappointing when Dimitri pulled into the museum parking lot. A part of Felix wondered if he could convince Dimitri to keep driving, keep going far away from his future crime. It was a nice enough day that he could almost imagine them both heading down the coast towards Derdriu, and from there, Sothis only knew.

Felix didn’t grouse too terribly as Dimitri briefly touched his hand and let him inside.

Most of the crowd viewing the collection ended up being teenagers and local students trying to make notes for some project or another. Felix perused each delicately-displayed weapon, fascinated by the little notes and drawings associated with them. Behind him, Dmitri stared just as quietly, his hands in his jeans pockets.

Felix didn’t miss the way his too-blue eyes kept glancing upwards towards where cameras were carefully positioned wherever they stepped.

“So weapons - why weapons?” Felix started, pushing back into Dimitri’s space as a crowd of hyperactive children started talking about old knights and dragons. Even here, the tales of the ancient king and his retinue of adventurers had some relevance, although most kids in Leicester preferred the mysterious white wyvern rider.

“My father had a few from several generations ago. I was never allowed to play with them though.” Dimitri awkwardly rubbed at his neck. “I broke his short sword.”

“You broke a sword.” Felix repeated because surely it was only a replica made of glass or something. Dimitri was strong but he wasn’t  _ that  _ strong.

Was he?

“It was a very old sword.” Dimitri leaned down to tap lightly at a dagger encased in glass. “Ah. This one has gemstones.”

He couldn’t be serious. Trying to steal a sword was one thing but - a dagger? A ceremonial one that was completely useless in a fight? “It’s ugly.”

“I suppose.” Dimitri furrowed his brows. “It looks familiar though. I’m certain I’ve seen it before.”

That was it. Felix was staging an intervention.

“I know what you’re doing.”

“You… do?” Dimitri asked, glancing nervously around.

“It won’t work.” Felix crossed his arms. “So - don’t try it.”

“I - oh. Oh.” Dimitri’s voice dropped down, disappointed. “I suppose not.”

Even in the room, the crowd seemed very far away. Felix’s heart was significantly louder than the drawl of some tour guide chattering away about the Claymore of the Red Canyon. “Sooner or later, it’s going to go south. You know that, right?”

“Well, I was hoping, that is to say,” Dimtiri fumbled. “It never hurts to try, does it?”

“Are you mad?!” Felix huffed. He glanced around at the crowd and then grabbed onto Dimtiri’s wrist. They needed to find a quiet space somewhere before Felix imploded. 

Felix found a small room tucked between two exhibits. He shoved it open and, in one smooth motion, dragged Dimitri inside and closed the door behind them.

That was, in retrospect, his first mistake. 

The room was very small - some kind of little custodial closet with brooms and cleaning supplies tucked on a cheap shelf in the corner. Inside, there wasn’t much space between them - not nearly enough for Felix to express his ire comfortably.

Instead, he crowded even closer to Dimitri and jabbed a finger into his chest. “You can drop the act now. I know why we’re really here.”

Dimitri didn’t back up - really, there was nowhere to go. “I should have asked you first, I know but - I was concerned that you would turn me down.”

“Of  _ course  _ I would.” Goddess, maybe all those movies about cool heists were wrong. There was nothing at all attractive about this - this confusing mess of a man. “Why would I want to assist you in your crime spree?”

“My - my what?” Dimitri’s eyebrows shot up. “I beg your pardon?”

“Drop the act, Dimitri. I know what you are.” Felix poked at him again. “What you - what you do. And if you get caught, then - then I lose a customer.”

“Felix what are you, I must admit, I’m a little - ow.” Dimitri grimaced. His hand swept down, and his fingers wrapped tightly around Felix’s wrist in an iron grip.

Felix tried to yank his hand away but Dimitri held firm. Dangerously,  _ sexy-like, firm. _

Felix inhaled sharply. He was not - he was absolutely not letting his stupid lower brain think these thoughts. Not right now.

“What exactly are you accusing me of?” Dimtiri’s voice dropped lower, a little harder, and Felix’s mouth went dry with the sheer amount of authority laced with each word.

This really was a terrible idea. But Felix had never backed down from anything. “You’re casing the museum.”

“And I need to case the museum because…?”

Felix flushed. Having all of Dimtiri’s attention on him, in the small little closet was quickly making his brain go haywire. He hadn’t thought this through at all. He should have just locked him in there until the next day, at least until he thought of a better idea. “Because you want to steal a dagger.” His eyes narrowed as the corner of Dimtiri’s lip suddenly twitched upwards. “Don’t you dare. I know you robbed that bank last time I saw you.”

And then Dimitri snickered.

Felix’s hackles rose as the snickering grew louder, resulting in nasally laughs that made his body burn fire-hot. “What?”

“No it’s, “ Dimitri let go to rub at his eye as another round of laughter clawed out of his chest. “You’re right. I did rob that bank.” He shook his head, a few golden strands falling down in front of his eyes in a way that made Felix want to grab them. “They asked me to.”

Felix stared.

He kept staring as Dimtiri gently curled their fingers together and breathed through another round of giggles. “It’s my job. I’m a security analyst. I stole my own deposit.”

“You’re fucking joking.” Felix sputtered out, glancing anywhere but at how close they were. It sounded ridiculous. It  _ was  _ ridiculous. This was a trap, meant to take down Felix’s defenses so Dimtiri could - could do something horrendous. That was why Felix was crumbling inside. 

“I truly am sorry. In my experience, people tend to distrust you if you tell them you think like a criminal.” Dimitri bowed his head. “I understand if you’re angry with my dishonesty.”

“All the tats on your back - “ Felix started slowly.

Dimitri’s hands tightened briefly around Felix’s wrist. “I would rather not talk about it at the moment but they - make me like myself more, I suppose. They remind me of close friends and positive experiences in my life.”

“Oh.” Felix exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Oh. Even rabbits?”

“Yes.” Dimitri hesitated. “I truly am sorry to give you reason to distrust my intentions.”

“No. Don’t apologize.” Felix glanced at their hands, at the wall, at the ugly drooping broom. “I’m - it’s nice. That you aren’t a wanted criminal.”

“Yes. It is quite a relief.”

Felix batted at his chest. “Shut it. I mean it.”

His stupid hand stayed there. Felix couldn’t seem to pull it away.

Dimitri got closer. Closer. Felix finally looked up and noticed there was a little crooked slant to his nose and a tiny little scar on his bottom lip.

“Felix?”

Felix kissed him.

It was surprisingly chaste, all things considered. But maybe that was all right - Dimitri crowded him against a wall and kissed back, hesitant, curious. Their teeth clacked together in a most un-sexy manner and Dimitri’s hands seemed to settle on Felix’s hips which was entirely too chaste for Felix’s liking.

He finally pulled away to gasp, dizzy and full of way too many emotions. “We should - we should go.”

“We should.” Dimitri agreed as he reached for the doorknob. He turned it, his other hand still on Felix’s hipbone - 

And he stopped.

“What?”

“It’s locked.” Dimitri frowned. “Just one moment.” He knelt down, toying with the knob even as Felix’s stomach churned. Great. He didn't have a phone - how long would it take someone to open this closet? Would he have to stay inside with Dimitri and the awkward hardness growing between his legs that demanded attention as soon as physically possible.

“Do you happen to have a credit card?” Dimitri asked, not looking behind him. “I think that would work.”

“Yeah, just,” Felix fumbled and pulled out his wallet. He flipped it open and stopped short as he saw a shining silver packet. “Fuck.”

“Felix?” Dimitri turned, curious. “What is it?”

Felix hastily stuffed the condom deeper into the corner of his wallet.

He was going to  _ murder  _ Sylvain. 

After they got out of there.

And he used the condom.

“Huh. Kitty never works weekends.” Hapi said dryly as Felix shoved into the tattoo parlor and took his usual spot and his usual chair. “What’s the occasion?”

“He missed work Wednesday. On account of Sulking-Sickness.” Sylvain announced, just as Felix made yet another rude gesture at him. “His boyfriend didn’t call.”

“Boyfriend?” Hapi tilted her head. On Saturdays, she took full control of the back area and made it into a mess that Ashe spent all of Sunday cleaning up. Bright bottles of nail paint were spread out in all colors and shapes that only Hapi understood the order of. She had several paintbrushes set out to her left and some strange tools to her right that Felix never asked about. 

She was popular enough - probably more popular than all of them combined. People made appointments weeks in advance just to let Hapi draw little pictures all over their fingernails.

Felix didn’t understand it.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” They did, however, talk almost every night. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for hours. Sometimes Felix whispered all the things Felix would do to him the next time they were together and got off on the sound of Dimtiri’s shaky breathing.

Okay.

Maybe they were quickly reaching more-than-friends.

And maybe Felix was a little lonely whenever Dimitri had to disappear on a job. He couldn’t talk about much because of  _ contractual obligations  _ but Felix was quickly learning how much Dimitri enjoyed making even the most salacious security incidents sound downright droll.

“Didi says you’re his boyfriend.” Hapi tapped her purple-glitter nails against her lip. “It’s all he’s talking about right now.”

Wait.

“Didi who?”

“Oh.” She blinked slowly. “Dimitri. Obviously.”

What the fuck.

“We studied in college together. He’s always been a little shy.” She picked up a bottle and began to shake it in preparation for a customer walking through the door. “You’d never think he does what he does, you know?”

“How did you - “ Felix groaned and rubbed at his eyes. Never mind. He was not going to worry about it right now. Talking about Dimitri reminded him he  _ missed  _ Dimitri and they were going to see each other soon enough.

Felix might even bring up getting matching tattoos. There was a Kyphon-Loog sword and shield design he’d been eyeing all week.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Dimitri was in a car crash when he was little and still has scarring from it. The tattoos are a "I like my body now also look at this fluffy bunny it's in honor of my roommate in college who went on to be a veterinarian after much hardship I'm so proud of her" kinda deal.  
> (The Fenrir one was teenage edgelord bet though.)
> 
> also Felix was all "...he said yes" and caused a minor kerfluffle because Sylvain thought it was a marriage proposal instead of just one matching tattoo JFC SYLVAIN MANNERS


End file.
